Never Criticise, Condemn or Complain by Dale Carnegie

One of my favourite books is “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. This book is known as the bible of personal development and building quality relationships. I came across this book many years ago but I never really got into a few years later when I was building my business in web design. I had to figure out how to relate to clients and not be stuck in programming mode all whole life.

So after reading Dale Carnegie’s book, I noticed a huge change in my relationships with people. I found myself more at peace with others and people started to compliment me and I built many new friendships.

The first chapter of the book is titled “Never Criticise, Condemn or Complain”. Dale Carnegie tells a great story of a person who is surrounded by police in a nearby building. The story eventually unfolds and the message behind the chapter is that we should never criticise, condemn or complain about people.

The reason why we should never judge or hold negative opinions about others is that it just destroys the entire process of building rapport with people. There is no way you can get people to like you if you don’t like them. You have to train yourself to see past their “dark side” and see the light in people because it’s there if you look hard enough.

I must admit, I struggle with judging people. I’m very quick to judge people on their behaviours and actions and it’s a trait I’m working on removing every single day. I’ve been burned in the past and it’s hard to recover when you’ve placed so much trust in people only to when they stab you in the back.

The Job Interview

I remember once I was applying for a job and I waiting in the reception area. A blonde woman walked in who wore a suit that was completely covered in pink, she also wore heavy make up and seemed like she had lots of plastic surgery. Normally, I would be quick to judge her and assume she would be one of those plastic type of girls.

However, I chose not to judge her and to get to know her first. After talking with her for a few minutes, I realised that her personality was completely not what I expected. She was one of the nicest and warmest people I’ve ever met. It turns out, she was the HR manager and she helped me get the job which paid me over six figures.

If I judged her, I know that my personality and demeanour would come across in my communications and I would definitely lose the opportunity. That was then I realised the importance of never judging people and to always seek to understand people first.

There are many times when I feel that it’s hard not to judge people. They say and do things that really get on my nerves. However I always remind myself that they are probably having a bad day, or they have some sort of health issue or they are going through some sort of personal problem. It’s then I no longer judge that person and I continue to treat them with respect and kindness.

I think learning to not judge people does wonders to your life. It gives you a sense of compassion and also frees your mind of clutter. If you’re sitting there and holding negative opinions about someone, it can really ruin your day and drain your life energy. They can say or do things that can really irritate you. However if you just let it go and not try too control them or change them, you’ll free yourself and become happier person attracting positive people and positive situations.

Stay Strong and Be Relentless.

Khoa Bui

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Author: Khoa Bui

Khoa Bui is an author, trainer and chief editor of YouBeRelentless. He enjoys reading books on self development, success, productivity, money, relationships and leadership. When he's not writing, he likes to enjoy a glass of red wine with a fine cuban cigar while watching the entire season of Entourage. You can check out Khoa's work at

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